SUNY University at Buffalo

I'm really glad I came. I was about to chicken out last minute. The drive was 7 hours, but I got to relive the college carefree life. ^_^

Greatest Remedy

Gaming; an escape to the fantasy world where I can free my mind from the pollution of reality.

Bitter Sweet Confession

What a beautiful Easter weekend. Perfect weather, children running around outside, everyone with their joyful smile heading out to church... Days like these makes the world just a little brighter everyday. ^_^

It's been a year and three months since I've broken up with Vicky. I've had my ups and downs, lefts and rights over the year. I think that relationship has taken a toll on me. Not that I've found anyone that I am interested in, but I have a fear that what if I get back into a relationship and it doesn't work out again? I'm scared to start another relationship. I've had online relationships before and I truly love the ones that I've loved. But when it ends, the moment you log off, it seems as if just another day has ended. My heart was broken, but it wasn't as bad as the last one. I guess a broken four year relationship isn't that easy to heal.

But... I've recently started to fall in love with someone; someone that I do not want to be in love with. She's one of the greatest friends that I've ever had in my life. I want to be able to be with her for the rest of my life... As friends? I want to love her but I fear that if I be with her and we find something that we don't like about each other, it might turn for the worse; no relationship or friendship. I fear that if we be together and something happens, we cannot be friends anymore. I rather be friends than no friends at all; even if it hurts inside.

I gathered up my courage and informed her that I started to like her. But I reassured her of something else. I told her that I have always viewed her as a really good friend. I guess it's because that we've been hanging out together quite often recently, I'm starting to fall for me. I told her I wanted her to get back into a relationship so I do not view her as more than just friends.

Am I lying? I could be... I have always felt that she is a wonderful person. She is really wonderful. We have common interest, she's a really caring and great person. Her personality almost exactly like mine. There's some stuff I don't really like about her, but they're so insignificant. She became one of my greatest friend and we do almost everything together. Even after college, we try to catch up with our group at least twice a month. Deep down inside, I truly love her; as a friend and as someone I would want to be with forever. But... I can't show it because I don't want to lose her. As long as we are friends, I can be with her for just a little bit longer until she gets married... It's different being friends and being lover and I don't know if I can love again. We if I screw up again?


What if I screw up again?


What if?


.