Grateful

Today was a nice day. It has been raining all week so the sun has not came out for a while. My friends and I planned a birthday party for one of their birthday at my house and head out to Cape Cod for the Memorial weekend, but the rain storm all week decided to get heavy in Massachusetts this weekend. It was all good though. Even though we couldn't go to Cape Cod, we just chilled at my house and had a relaxing weekend. As long as everyone is happy, then that makes life enjoyable.

I am really thankful to have such wonderful friends in my life. They don't have to be smart and do great things or stupid to make myself feel superior. I think of friends as a second family in my life. People who cares about you and will stand by you no matter what in circumstances you are in makes them the greatest friends you can ever have. I didn't really like the area I lived at during high school, so I didn't really make any friends. I don't know how I got through those years, but I also made truly great friends on MapleStory. Although we couldn't be physically together, we still share memories, laughter, good times and bad over vent and in game. Once I entered college, I told myself that I wanted to change. I wanted to stop being that loner that gets off school and just be a hermit at home playing games all day. Four years and a semester, I truly met some wonderful friends. The scariest part of finishing school is thinking that everyone would go their separate ways and live their lives in different part of the world. Lets not forget the friends that I have met during my internship in Hong Kong/Shanghai last summer. I am truly grateful have all these people in my life and continue to make great memories with me.

One of my friend has gotten me to go to church with her for a while now. At first, I couldn't believe I agreed to go with her. While growing up, I always made fun of religious beliefs and I never really took it seriously. I joined the bandwagon of people that says science proves everything and religion is just something to brainwash people's mind and taking all their money for the group starter's own benefit. I still believe a lot do do so, but those are terrible people (For example, my Burger King's manager goes to a church where she donates like 80% of her money but the church building is still run down while the pastor drives really nice cars and live big houses.. Hmm?)

After I started work, I was feeling really down because all I did was go to work and come home doing nothing but sit in front of the computer. My friend asked me if I wanted to try going church with her so I was like sure, why not. She has been a Christian for 10 years now. For a while, I wanted to check it out too when I saw the peace and happiness in Victoria's grandmother's smile and heart as a Christian. Even though she was in a lot of pain from sickness, she still believe in God and loves God. She knows that He has a plan for her and he will look after her no matter what happens. The doctor diagnose that she had half a year to live, but she lived on for another four years before passing away. Is God really that powerful to make people overcome their hardship and pain?

I have been to church for a month now (April 14)? I go almost every Sunday except the Sunday that I went to Walk for Hunger. I really enjoyed going and it gives me a little life advice every time I go. I feel that it makes me look outside of the box and try to think of things as positive even though they're negative things. It gives me a little better prospective in life. It makes me feel peaceful and calm at times. I'm not going to go around preaching about God to people; just something to give myself an alternative view of life. It's a good feeling :)

Well, I should head to sleep. I'm really glad my life is getting back together and I'm not stuck in that moody mindset. Church and working out is all I really need. :D And maybe pick up on some new interest like picking up programming again, maybe. Thank you, 上帝。Thank you, friends.

Until next time, good night.

Been Really Down Lately...

*sigh* Life. :\ Emo post warning.

I have graduated. I got a job. I have an okay car to drive. I don't plan on buying a house anytime soon.

What do I do now? Lately, I have been really out of whack. I haven't been hanging out with anyone. I just go to work and I come home and do nothing. I'm slowly losing interest in playing games. They're all the same and they're all getting really boring. Without games, there's nothing else that can keep me from thinking... Lol,  yes, thinking is a bad thing for me. I have a tendency to think about stupid stuff. I've just been really down lately... I think it is because I lack human interaction. Uncle doesn't really talk to me much. Auntie's always working because she has two jobs. Andy just hides in his room and read reddit all day. At work, I can't really connect with anyone. They're all in the 30s and 40s. When you work at a small company, they usually want to hire experienced people because they don't have the money and time to invest in training new grads. I was an exception because my manager wanted someone that just graduated from college and eager to learn new things. But even my manager doesn't really come into the office because she likes to stay home and take care of her kids. Not only because of the age differences, but Americans tend to only love talking about sports. I think a lot of Asians agree on this. We're not really that much into sports and we just do our jobs.

My mom called me recently. She calls me a lot. She has this friend that lives in San Francisco. My mom was a babysitter for her since my mom was 16 and she watched her grow up. They're like best friends and she's wicked smart. She has her MBA, CPA, worked for PwC and everything. She's a school-a-holic as a matter of fact. Her mom's a teacher, so she loves to study. My mom trust in her more than her own son. When I was applying for colleges, she had me verify with this friend of hers before I accept because my mom doesn't trust in my own judgement. Well the other night, she was telling my mom how I was posting so much Facebook status about how I play games a lot over the weekend. She was telling my mom that I am wasting my life away and that I should go back to school and get my Masters. She thinks that without education, a person is going to rust up and be useless lacking in knowledge.

To be honest, I'd agree to a certain point that a person would because useless without knowledge. But I am done with school. I am done with the stress. I am not as smart as she is. I admit I am a lazy person and I am not smart. I realized how stressful school was for me now that I don't have to go to school anymore. As of now, I do not ever want to go back to school again.

My mom told me that and my mom also agreed that maybe I should go back to school. It really bothered me a lot. It really bothers me that my mom always take that friend's suggestion to dictate my life. Just because she is successful and smart, it doesn't mean I am up to her standards. There are things that she can do that I can't do. Just let my life be and let me make my own choices!

After that, I actually did gave it a second thought that maybe I should pick up a new interest. I refuse to go back to school, but I might start looking into online free courses from MIT or something. Last night, I tried to look into music theory because I always wanted to learn to play the piano. But I just don't have the motivation to get addicted to it. I was never talented at music. Now that I think of it, I don't even think I have talent in anything. I can't even perform really good in games.

This... Being bored of playing games is taking a really big toll on me. I haven't faced these thoughts since like sophomore year college. I used to stress out so much about grades because I got denied from getting into School of Management. Then I stressed out about my grades because I couldn't get a job.

I was reading on reddit once and people were talking about how happiness is not correlated to money. Money can bring some sort of happiness, but it's not the primary source of happiness. You can't say it doesn't bring happiness because you definitely can't get happiness from being poverty. One guy mentioned that not being super intelligent might also be a good thing. By not being super intelligent, you're just a simple guy. You get ordinary jobs that you might not have to stress over (This is somewhat true. I'm kind of glad that I didn't get into any of the Big 4 Accounting firms. My friends were stressing out so much during busy season. I think I can handle it, but if I can avoid it, I might as well.)

Seems like I'm just jibber jabbering all over the place. I don't know. I really want to find a new interest. I want to find something that will motivate me. Something life changing. I'm going to go crazy if I keep having these stupid thoughts. Why can't I just be a simple guy?

Maybe I need a companion, like a puppy.

走到人生的极端

Dude, I don't even like to write. I don't know why I have a blog, but I have a blog. :)

I think I've reach the climax of life and now it's just slowly sliding down. I got a stable job, I got my beautiful love ( my computer), and I'm living the life that I've been wanting since I was a kid. I just go to work, come home and not have to worry about doing homework and just play games until I need to sleep. Every kid wants this dream. But I guess I'm not a kid anymore...

I'm starting to lose interest in playing games and it's very clear to me... It seems like I'm doing the same thing over and over again everyday. On League of Legends, I'm just playing the same thing every 40 minutes. On TERA, I'm doing quests after quests and it got boring when all my friend are higher or lower level than me.

Ever so often, I'd reflect on my life. Is this what I really want? Go to work and come home to games everyday? A few years ago, that'd be a yes. Now, it's just... meh.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm in denial. I act like I'm having the Bay Life where I don't give a shit about anything and chill all day long. I do whatever the hell I want to do and nothing around me is so important that I need to stop everything else to go deal with that problem. I just live everyday without plans and go on day after day not caring about anything. That's the life I love to be in. No girl in my life to tell me when I need to sleep or when I need to wake up. I don't have to give a damn about another person being upset and I need to comfort them. I don't need to worry about another person on top of worrying about myself. I can play games and no one would tell me it's bad. I don't have to go out every so often to have dinner and pay like $30/50/90 for a meal. I don't have to worry about birthdays, Valentine's Day, Anniversaries, Christmas, etc.

All that is great, but sometimes... I kind of feel like this kind of life is going no where. Sometimes, I just feel like I'm going in a loop as if I'm stuck in one place with no progress. Sometimes... I want to settle down and start a family. God, I feel old. As a matter of fact, I started preferring to drink warm water instead of cold water. I want to try new things like going to church and becoming a Christian. What kind of kid wants to go to church?! Yeah... I see these husband and wife walking down the street holding their kid's hands and swinging him around smiling and filled with joy, I want to do that too. I want to have my own house; my own family. Give meaning to life rather than numbing my brain to games.

Ehh... Who am I kidding? Girls are annoying and all they want is their guys to stop playing games and love them more! Rubbish. I'm gonna go find a new game to play! Bay Life, niggahz! :D

Happy 2 Years Anniversary!

Two year from the day I created this blog. :)

Cloudy

I passed out at 9pm and now i cant fall back asleep. I'm laying in my bed looking through my phone and going online. So many things happened over the past few years. Happy things, sad things, fun things, wonderful things, scary things, life changing things, everything. Did i make the right choices? A lot of yeses, a lot of noes, and a lot of i dont knows and im not sures. Im 23 now. Reflecting back at life, I got all the way here. It wasnt an easy journey, but I would like to thank all the love ones in my life, whether in the past or today, for being in my life. The Earth continues to revolve and life has to continue to move on.Instead of looking at all my own weaknesses, why not try looking at my strengths for once. Im a great individual in this world. Henry, 加油. theres a long road ahead of you. no matter how many difficulties get in your way, theres always love ones beside you and support you. :)

i should attempt to sleep again!