SUNY University at Buffalo

I'm really glad I came. I was about to chicken out last minute. The drive was 7 hours, but I got to relive the college carefree life. ^_^

Greatest Remedy

Gaming; an escape to the fantasy world where I can free my mind from the pollution of reality.

Bitter Sweet Confession

What a beautiful Easter weekend. Perfect weather, children running around outside, everyone with their joyful smile heading out to church... Days like these makes the world just a little brighter everyday. ^_^

It's been a year and three months since I've broken up with Vicky. I've had my ups and downs, lefts and rights over the year. I think that relationship has taken a toll on me. Not that I've found anyone that I am interested in, but I have a fear that what if I get back into a relationship and it doesn't work out again? I'm scared to start another relationship. I've had online relationships before and I truly love the ones that I've loved. But when it ends, the moment you log off, it seems as if just another day has ended. My heart was broken, but it wasn't as bad as the last one. I guess a broken four year relationship isn't that easy to heal.

But... I've recently started to fall in love with someone; someone that I do not want to be in love with. She's one of the greatest friends that I've ever had in my life. I want to be able to be with her for the rest of my life... As friends? I want to love her but I fear that if I be with her and we find something that we don't like about each other, it might turn for the worse; no relationship or friendship. I fear that if we be together and something happens, we cannot be friends anymore. I rather be friends than no friends at all; even if it hurts inside.

I gathered up my courage and informed her that I started to like her. But I reassured her of something else. I told her that I have always viewed her as a really good friend. I guess it's because that we've been hanging out together quite often recently, I'm starting to fall for me. I told her I wanted her to get back into a relationship so I do not view her as more than just friends.

Am I lying? I could be... I have always felt that she is a wonderful person. She is really wonderful. We have common interest, she's a really caring and great person. Her personality almost exactly like mine. There's some stuff I don't really like about her, but they're so insignificant. She became one of my greatest friend and we do almost everything together. Even after college, we try to catch up with our group at least twice a month. Deep down inside, I truly love her; as a friend and as someone I would want to be with forever. But... I can't show it because I don't want to lose her. As long as we are friends, I can be with her for just a little bit longer until she gets married... It's different being friends and being lover and I don't know if I can love again. We if I screw up again?


What if I screw up again?


What if?


.

Singletine's Day

Never falling in love ever again. Shit's scary.

Spent the night with my 2 bestest friend in the whole wide world cuz that's love too <35ever

Direction of my Life

Am I headed towards the right direction? It has been almost a year. I have found new activities to keep myself busy and I have nearly dropped them all. Maybe it's the Winter, maybe it's me. But right now, I feel like a lazy bum. I feel like I'm wasting my life away. I want to do more and I want someone beside me to do it with me; whether it be a new hobby or a life changing experience. Significant other? Maybe. Or maybe just a best friend. Someone I can rely on that will stick beside me no matter what.

Right now, all I really want to do is leave everything behind and travel to a new place. A place where I can just get away from everything for a year or two and experience something new, something crazy, something exciting, something different. As much as I want to do that, I don't think it's really the right time. If only I was fortunate enough like other people that are monetarily well off... For now, I can just slug through it. Maybe one day when my mind is about to explode... Or when I save up enough to get away and not have my parents and family worry about me. I'm so sick of Massachusetts. As much as I like my job and friends, I'm really sick of the environment around me. I'm so sick of the games I play. I'm so sick of the internet. I want something fresh. I want to pack up and go far far away. Away. Far away. No technology. No stress. No worries.

One day.

Some day.